• police officer: you're under arrest for shooting someone in the chest
  • me: whoever made the rhyme did the crime(:
  • police officer: haha i have to give you credit for that one dude you're off the hook

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when someone asks to see your phone


(via pizza)

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take a moment to realize you have never seen your face in person, just reflections and pictures


some scientists agree that if you saw a clone of yourself, you wouldn’t recognise it as you, because our idea of what we look like is so different from what we actually look like

This gave me anxiety

(via pizza)

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flower crowns are so last week.

everyone knows this is what’s in



(via pizza)

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life rules

- you are never as awkward as you think you are
- you are never as annoying as you think you are
- you are never as boring as you think you are
- your compliments are never as creepy as you think they are 
- you are way more wanted than you give yourself credit for
- chin up, dude

(via unsp0ken-w0rdz)

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When I'm at Adoration at a Steubenville Youth Conference


(Long post is Long)

If You’re a First Timer:

First The Host Gets Everyone in a Solemn Mood

And Then We Kneel and Start Singing Tantum Ergo/Down in Adoration Falling

And Then Jesus Comes Out in the Monstrance and You Hear People Start Crying

And You’re Like “Na I’m Not Going…

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This is how they came up with the name orange is the new black

The Golden Hot Dog trophy, presented to the winner of our annual office hot dog eating contest. The eating starts soon…

UPDATE: The winner will be announced when the video airs on July 4th. But—SPOILER ALERT—there were no winners. We all feel horrible.